Today a policeman came to my door asking whether I knew a Carlos Rodriguez, to which I replied no, and then later realized that the friend of a friend who had previously been staying in my apartment for a few days had been named Carlos.

Today I watched a movie that mildly touched on the ethics of stem cell research, and at the end the scientist-villain was hanged by a wire.

Today I watched a mentally handicapped man stroke the neck and earlobes of a boy sitting in front of him for over an hour on my ride home.

Today I went to a water park, and every fifteen minutes a whistle blew, signalling for everyone to get out of the wave pool so the lifeguards could sift for dead bodies.

Today I quit my job.

Today a mosh pit formed around me at a concert and I was thrown to the ground.

Today I got a job canvassing for a state-wide enviromental group, and when the interviewer asked what the biggest problem in society is and how to solve it, I said "environmental issues" and "by informing people."

Today I ate a Quarter-Pounder after having not eaten at McDonald's for 5 years, and later shit blood.

Today I almost passed out in a boat thinking about licking the edge of a piece of paper and getting a papercut.

Today I found white gooey cones and green fungus in the back of my throat.